We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post.
Hello. My name is Denise and I’m a minimalist. My husband, Len, is not. Many people ask how we can have a happy marriage with one of us a minimalist and the other not. We will be married 30 years this year and that question is a very a good question so I thought it would be a great topic to write about this week.
I have always been a streamlined, tailored type of person. My mom tells me I have never been one to wear lace or frills and that of her four kids, I was the one that did not collect things. Yes, I had the usual stuffed animals and albums (that right there should tell you I was born in the 60’s and am a child of the 70’s – still love my peace signs). Other than that, I did not really keep or collect things. 
That all changed, though,when I started working and had disposal income. I had more jeans, shoes, shirts than one person would need but that did not stop me from going to the mall and buying something new to wear to the bar on the weekend. In my new clothes, I would dance and party it up until the bar closed then sleep until noon the next day. Many of us did and many do today. There is nothing wrong with that and my personal philosophy is to live your life every single day.
That changed when I had kids. I stopped going out every night and focused 100% on my family. What did not change though was my spending habits. Yes I was frugal – at least I “thought” I was. I would shop for my kids after the season ended and buy clothes on clearance that would fit the following year. Sounds okay doesn’t it? BUT I also still bought clothes when it was not the right season so my kids had more clothes than they would ever wear for that age and size.
My husband and I always worked opposite schedules so one of us was always at home with the kids with the exception of a few hours in the afternoon when he would leave for work and I was not home yet. Family members would watch the girls until we moved to Florida when we really did have to balance our schedules. Florida is where our lives took a dramatic turn and what would eventually start me unknowingly back on the path of minimalism. My husband was injured at work and we were working on one income – mine – but we continued to live as if we were on two incomes.
What finally changed my spending was facing financial difficulties I never anticipated facing in my life. We dug ourselves out – little by little -but we did dig ourselves out. To this day, I still am very conscious of what I buy and if I do buy something, you can bet it is something that I need. I no longer buy “just because”; Because it’s cute, because I wanted it, because it’s on sale. And since the “because list” can go on, those “because’s” can get you in a trouble. But when you face a battle together, you become stronger as a couple.
If you are a reader of our blog, you know a few years ago, my daughter shared the minimalist lifestyle with me and I felt an instant connection and have never looked back. Luckily for me, my husband does not say much about what I do or do not do in our house. He came back from a trip one day and the living areas of our house were streamlined and clutter free. For me, the feeling is AHHHHHH. For him, it took a few days to get used to, then he told me “You know what? I like how the house stays cleaner since you cleaned up.” That was my ah-ha moment. I could get him on board with decluttering the house.
I respect my husband and his feelings so I would never do anything – at least intentionally – to upset him. When he left on the next business trip, I tackled the master bedroom starting at one corner and working across to the other. This time when he came back he said “Where’s all my stuff!” He had a bit of a panic attack until I showed him where all his valuable possessions were.
I would NEVER toss or donate something I knew was valuable to my husband. It’s not mine to dispose of – it’s his. And there you have it. We live peacefully together because we respect each other and value each other. Neither one of us would stop the other from doing what we love to do BUT neither of us would do something to upset the other. If you are living with a non-minimalist, take the time to consider how he/she would feel and react before you change anything in the house. That moment you stop will be what keeps your marriage happy and most importantly peaceful.
Blessings,
Denise
For tips on how to begin your decluttering journey, you can Start Here, or snag a copy of the 30 Day Challenge (our Minimalism and Decluttering eBook).
Purchase Your Copy on.... Amazon | Nook | Smashwords | MIS Store
Subscribe to our RSS feed to receive our updates regularly. Find us on Facebook or Twitter to connect with us and with others.
